revelation of my foolishness

It took me a while but if finally understand the root of the problem that has plagued my soul like swarm locusts in a barley field...

For numerous times i have searched for love, as if God wasn't enough for me. My christian faith taught me that God is love and that he sent his son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for us. His Death and suffering as a payment for our sins and as evidence of his love for us. A love so great, He died for our sake and rose again as a show of his divinity and to show us his love.

I have searched for love in some really wrong places, But why? Because i have fallen in love with something other than my Lord Jesus Christ, I have fallen in love with the concept of falling in love... Sounds weird, but bear with me for a moment, as I shall explain.

The dream for falling in love with a woman. To put it simply, this dream has caused me to "Fall in love" with almost every girl whom I was fond of... Ridiculous right??? Now when I look back, It seems almost Idiotic...

Last night i was just lying on my bed after some delicious durian for supper. The answer just came just as i was going to fall asleep. It was as if someone switched on the light in the darkness of my heart. So in the darkness of the night everything became clear....

Now that I know the cause of the problem, will I be able to solve it?

Boulders and Balloons

It's not that I don't want to remember the good moments... the lovely memories... the time we shared, laughed... I just wan those times to never end... I just wish we could just eternally stay in that state of blissful youth... Pictures capture the person you are as well as the people who you were with. When I look a the the pictures, I wish... I can only wish we were back at that time...I can only wish to say what I wish I could have said... They are both boulders and balloons. Memories remind me of the days of bliss, living for the moment and enjoying the company of my loved ones... the one's at that time meant everything to me, my friends and juniors... My juniors... Damn!!! I'm already stating to tear up... My juniors... for a brief 4 years... I understood the feeling of loving someone who was not even remotely related to you but to care for them as if they were of my own flesh and blood... They gave me a reason to look forward to coming to school everyday, they have given me so many things. They are a constant joy, making me smile every time I meet them... They gave meaning to my dreary school life... fro that i am eternally grateful. These memories are like balloons that lift me up during dark times. Yet... Like boulders, dragging me deeper into my sorrows, reminding me of how it all used to be how happy I used to be...

Whatever you call Pictures...

Pictures... Their like moment's, frozen in time... They represent Bonds... Memories... connections... The times spent together... captured in a moment of time... It reminds me of how i was at that point of time... it reminds me of the mistakes made... regrets... Emotions... It all hits you like an incoming wave when you reminiscent, meet a familiar face or simply look at a picture I sometimes go weak in my knees, my heartstrings are tugged and I tear up a little Weakness... I'm afraid to be weak... I'm afraid of having a weak heart... I'm afraid of being the weak little crying boy again... I'm afraid to feel to much emotions Pictures speak a thousand words... But if it is a picture of you and another person, it speaks volumes and it tells a story of a relationship with that person... In the end the story is over, life moves on, pictures provides a means to capture Moments... of happiness, sadness and many other emotions... I am reminded of such things, it makes me stop in my tracks and feel all that emotion... pictures... or what ever you call them... to me it's meaning far out shines it's name... Memories, Bonds or whatever. To each person it means something different... Look through your album... what does each picture mean to you? what do they represent? Think about it...

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Night thoughts on a hungry stomach

it has been almost a year since I moved here... it's a nice place with nice people... the days are noisy with children and traffic but the nights are quiet and lonely... the silence is almost deafening, I long for true companionship at time of solitude and I seek solace when the world overwhelm me... when will I find this balance... a life when my heart no longer desires a companion, a place to reflect and a time where I never feel hungry in the middle of the night...

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Relationships... in my opinion

This is me just saying Society at one point discouraged the act of having relationships while young... but like most civilisations, when there is conformity after time comes rebellion. Now in society there is pressure all around that makes having a relationship young "Cool" and what is the result of that? More broken marriages, Increase in SID's in the young, More Broken hearts and this causes people to want to stay single all their life... But then again! what do I know? Who am I to critic? I have only lived for 16+ years on this earth. Who would give their time to read my naive ideas? :D But!!! I know that: God made Marriage to be Beautiful... God made Falling in Love Beautiful... God made Sex Within Marriage Beautiful... God made You to be Loved... But then again... This is me just saying...

Man it has been a long time!!!!!

It has been too long since my last blog post!!!!!